Tim Henson

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Timothy James Henson

Media darling and meth addict
Name Timothy James Henson
Other names Timmy Boo
Birth August 1, 1980
Death
Years active 1997 - Present
Website Distorted View


Tim in one of his more artistic moments, preparing a shot for the upcoming NOVA documentary "Levenge, the number that changed the world."
Tim in one of his more artistic moments, preparing a shot for the upcoming NOVA documentary "Levenge, the number that changed the world."

Timothy James Henson (born August 1st, 1980) is the host of Distorted View Daily, an adult comedy podcast that focuses on bizarre news stories and brief comedic sketches and songs.

Contents

Early life

Timothy "Pubic Laser Wolf" Henson was born and raised in Ashtabula, Ohio, as the youngest of three children (his mother has admitted on the show that he was, in fact, an accident). He attended Ohio State University in order to pursue a degree in technology education, however, he left before he graduated in order to move to Texas to do Distorted View on Real Talk Radio. He moved back to Columbus, Ohio where he held several odd jobs (including a test proctor) while doing Distorted View on the side. On November 2nd, 2006, Tim announced that he would quit his job and move back to his hometown of Ashtabula, where he would start doing Distorted View full-time. He then started posting extended shows for the Sideshow in February 2007. In early 2008 Tim returned to Columbus, but because he can't make up his god damned mind about where he wants to live, he once again moved back to Ashtabula. In early 2010, in a move to dispel the charges of indecision, Tim decided to return to Columbus.

By virtue of his status as a full-time podcaster, Tim is completely unfamiliar with the concept of "Disposable Income". As a result, he is frequently heard asking his loving audience for donations, gifts, or anything edible. This should not be read as a quality detrimental to Tim's character, however; that he lives on a podcaster's salary is testament to the iron will and steely determination of our favorite Careless Fairy.

He hates it when he can't pronounce a word; it makes him so mad that he will flip out on air. This usually happens with names that come from foreign countries, or scientific terms. Sometimes he won't even try to avoid the anger.

Sexuality Debate

The issue of Tim's sexual orientation arose on May 21/22 2007 when Satan outed him on the show: "Oh wait, are you talking about Tim? Yeah, he's a big fag... I can't believe some of you people didn't know he was a big fruit." The next day, a caller asked Tim flat out if he was gay, and his response was: "I did not say I was gay... Satan outed me... Alright, fine, I am, whatever." On May 23rd and 24th, 2007 Tim talked further about his sexuality and explained that he had in fact come out, and is indeed a "careless fairy": "I'm a careless fairy... There's a whole theory, I'm not gonna get into why I never really talked about it before..." Despite this, some of the freaks are still unsure about Tim's sexuality, as he frequently attempts to entice the lady listeners with the sheer size of his manhood (conflicting reports suggest it is between 3/4 of an inch and seven inches long). He also hands out advice to callers regarding relationships, most of which is obviously from a homosexual male that has no interest whatsoever in women and whose only purpose is to ruin the sex lives of all heterosexuals... On the May 5th, 2005 show, a female caller asked Tim to have sex with her for $500, to which he replied: "You're gonna have to wine and dine me first, lady... then send me a picture." Now it is quite certain that Tim is indeed a homosexual. If you have ever visited his myspace profile, it shows his orientation as gay, that not saying much, if you look at his pictures he has on his profile, he has many with another man that he lives with. (The dobermans Tim talks about are this mans) His partners initials are RB, though his name is not specified, but if you look in his pictures, many are them with their arms around each other and comments from Tim's sister Dawn on a picture with Tim and R.B. together saying how proud she is of him. So the odds are that Tim is in fact a homosexual.


Career

Henson began creating Web-based comedy in 1996, and established Distorted View in 2000. Henson has distributed the show through a variety of media, including telephony company Tellme, various Internet radio stations, and now-defunct MP3 download service MP3NewsBreak.

Income

Henson is unique among podcasters in that he is completely supported by his subscribers, the Sideshow Freaks. He has no sponsors and no source of income beyond his podcast. While his podcast has been pirated and rebroadcast in other venues, he has given no indication he has ever been paid for these broadcasts. Henson has attributed his current lack of sponsors to his refusal to censor the program and unwillingness to cease funding Radical Islamic Fundamentalism in the Columbus area.

Politics

On March 25th, 2008 Henson announced his candidacy for the Office of President of the United States. Henson's campaign rests mainly on the policies of Mandatory Euthanasia and front-line conscription limited to African-Americans, as well as the stuffing of unsavories in every closet. Cheryl Merkowski was his running mate.

His official campaign ad can still be found online:

Awards and nominations

In 2005 and 2006, Henson won The Podcast Awards' Best Comedy Podcast Award for Distorted View, and took the Best Mature Podcast Award in 2008. Henson also received a fan nomination for a Weblog Award in 2005.

In 2005, the Columbus Dispatch profiled Henson on the occasion of his first Podcasting award. The article was written when Henson still had a "day job" and was not yet supporting himself entirely on proceeds from Distorted View subscribers. Henson has since won the second annual Podcast Awards in the comedy category.

Fun Facts

  • Tim loves soda because during her pregnancy, his mother once shoved a 2-liter bottle of pop up her cunt.
  • Tim yelps like a little girl if you shout at the beginning of your voicemail.
  • Tim has several million-dollar ideas that he never acts on.
  • Like those who love the smell of their own farts, Tim loves the smell of his own dirty feet. However, he hates other people's feet.
  • Tim prefers spiral macaroni and cheese to elbow macaroni and cheese.
  • Quote: "Not a lot goes on in my personal life."

See also

References

External Links

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